Disclaimer

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Saxophone Blues is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, are coincidental. References to characters, places, products, or brand names are for entertainment purposes only and no identification with such incidents are intended or should be inferred.

 

Saxophone Blues contains mature subject matter. Recommended for adult readers aged 18 years or over. Reader discretion is advised as the content may include explicit language, sexuality, violence, and other themes that may not be suitable for all audiences. The views, opinions, and activities depicted in this work are not necessarily endorsed by the author.

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Scene 1: The Past of Future’s Present

 

Jimothy Dyck, captain of the starship Explorer, was leaving for his final mission in space.

 

Jimothy gathered his wife, Maria, and two children, Jimothy Jr. and Jennica, to say goodbye forever.

 

“Where you going, dad?” Jimothy Jr. asked without looking up from his phone.

 

“I’m going to find the biggest black hole in the entire universe,” Jimothy said, “so I can fly into it.”

 

“Why are you doing this?” Maria sobbed.

 

Jimothy stared into the vacant distance. “Because I have to,” he said, dramatically.

 

“You really don’t.” Maria protested.

 

“Are you going to die, daddy?” little Jennica, six years old, interrupted.

 

“No, sweetie,” Jimothy assured Jennica, “My body will be torn apart atom by atom as I cross the black hole’s event horizon. Every particle of my existence will become one with the universe – and then I’ll be with Jesus.”

 

“In Heaven?”

 

“That’s right, Jennica.”

 

“Can I come with you, daddy?”

 

Jimothy smiled at Jennica and saw the entire universe sparkling in her beautiful eyes, and said, “But we’re already there…”

 

“Jimothy Dyck – you fucking asshole!” Maria threw her arms around Jimothy’s neck. “I love you so much.”

 

Jimothy kissed Maria with the heat of a thousand suns and said, “I love you to the furthest star and back again.”

 

With that, Jimothy Dyck put on his space helmet, engaged the Explorer’s thrusters, and plotted a course to Uranus.

 

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Scene 2: Maximum Fart Speed

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Jimothy Dyck, captain of the starship Explorer, regretted eating Taco Bell right before leaving for his final mission in space. He didn’t feel so good.

 

“Time is not linear.” Jimothy groaned. “Sometimes we can feel the ripples ahead of us.”

 

Jimothy’s stomach churned as he set the Explorer’s thrusters to maximum fart speed.

 

“Commencing countdown. Engines on.”

 

“Three… two… one… ignition.”

 

The ship let out the biggest fart ever and overshot Uranus by 10,000 light years.

 

“Holy crap!”

 

The force of acceleration exploded liquefied shart juice right through Jimothy’s puckered-up butthole.

 

“I have to go!”

 

Jimothy hopped to the toilet in desperate panic. His cheeks were clenched tighter than the ship’s airlock – but it was too late.

 

By the time he got his spacesuit off, Jimothy had become so far lost in deep space – he was totally up shit creek.   

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The End.